January 20, 2010

here i am ezazitakbolagh kyoko kuwabara

Photobucket
Photobucket
2:50am ただいま、少し前に家に戻った

このあいだ
まわりの人に思いをぶちまけた
”我慢”をするということができない 
”我慢”なんて今までしたことがないから
”我慢”することがすごく苦しいって

でも思った 本当は我慢する必要はなかったんじゃない?と
だけどワタシには勇気もなかったし 
多分強い思いも持っていなかった 
だから我慢するということを名目に逃げた

今日
帰りの車 爆音でまたtallahassee流して 高速をぶっ飛ばした
そういうときのワタシって
また悪いことしたくなるような気持ち
交感神経が興奮した状態 ”闘争か逃走”
そんな気分でぶっ飛ばしていた

我慢したということは 
本当にやりたいことじゃなかったということ
やっぱり我慢しない 本当にやりたいことは我慢しない 
今夜は
そういう気持ちにさせられた 

そういう気持ちを共有できる女もいる

ありがとね

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